I had planned today to be such a positive forward moving type of day with lots of leatherwork to do and social media and blog writing to schedule but boy did it turn out to be way different.
Firstly, I had the dentist this morning, it wasn’t just a check up this time neither it was to have some x-rays, a filling and a clean but after numerous terrifying childhood experiences at the dentist I hate having ‘work done’ to my teeth. I don’t know about you guys but my teeth are really sensitive, especially at the front and having a clean is a bit like having Freddie Kruger run his metal fingered hand down a chalk board…the sound goes right through me and makes me cringe not to mention the sensitivity pain. I got myself into a bit of a panic, stupid really because I act so brave when the children are there with me but today I was shaking like a leaf and my heart was beating so fast. I clamped my eyes shut, crossed my legs tight and locked my hands together and dug my nails into the skin. Eventually the work stops and I can get up from out the chair. My tooth is still throbbing now several hours after having the filling done; it’s certianly what nightmares are made of.
Then to top the day off I had to try and get one of our cars into a garage urgently which was proving to be more difficult than originally thought. To cut a long story short we have an Estate that I drive, mainly for the school run, family days out and for getting out and about for the business. My husband drives our 4×4 as he needs to tow a trailer sometimes for work and it’s more of a work horse than a nice car. We live in the countryside and although we live off a main A road the roads around this area are diabolical so as you can imagine both cars get ‘used’ excessively.
For a few weeks now the Estate has had a ‘whirling’ noise come from the front wheel and because money is tight at the moment we have put it off getting it into the garage. The 4×4 has been playing up since we pretty much brought it (a few years ago now) and we have probably spent more on it than what we brought it for and it still isn’t right. Just last night we went to go out in it and it wouldn’t turn over, basically the starter motor had packed up. My husband likes to tinker with cars and he’s quite useful under the bonnet of a car but he’s no qualified mechanic and some of the newer models baffle him and he doesn’t always know what to do.
The start of this week the Estate car got worse and as well as a whirling sound, a bang, scrap and clanking noise started especially when turning the steering wheel.
After we realised the 4×4 wasn’t going to work last night we went out in the Estate even though we didn’t really want to and on route all the dash lights came on to do with the wheel traction and ABS which pretty much meant the car was telling us to ‘GET IT FIXED’!
So with one car not working, another car on it’s knees and us living in the countryside meant we pretty much was desperate to get a car fixed. So this morning I spent on the phone ringing around garages as close to home as possible that could get us in either today or tomorrow. The problem we had was affording it. Some mechanics only have to hear a desperate woman on the phone and the price for a job doubles and that’s before they’ve seen the vehicle. When they see it and baffle you with posh scary words and ummed and aarred over what needs doing then a job easily tripples.
Hubby refused to pay the price the garage’s quoted, I told him the car needed fixing now not next week and after some cross words I stormed off and took the car to the first garage that would see it today.
When I finally limped the car into the garage a good half an hour later I was pretty furious with myself, my husband, the cars and just about everything else that had gone wrong this week. The man took the keys off me and pretty much said it could be ready today but it could be tomorrow and to leave it with him and he’d give me a call later.
Remember, I had left home in a foul mood, hubby was stuck under the 4×4 bonnet and in a dreadful mood himself. Well, that meant I had no choice but to walk home! A good 7 miles away!!!
I walked out the garage’s driveway and started to walk in the direction of home and I called my mum. I rarely ask her for anything, especially when it comes to money as you never know when you may really need help. She always tells me to call her if I need her and I thought this was definitely one of those moments. I was desperate for the car to be fixed and if it was going to cost more than £100 then I was going to have to borrow some money.
The reality of being self employed means that at the moment we live hand to mouth each week. We are both trying to build our businesses (husband is a handyman/electrician) and still pay our bills. Everything coming in at the moment doesn’t always cover the bills and our food shop depends on what work we have had that week. All in all it’s very stressful at the moment.
About 100 yards down the road there was a bus stop, no one in it thankfully because as soon as mum answered the phone I broke down in tears, by the time I got to the bus stop I was in a mess. Stupid I know. My poor mum got everything verbally thrown at her down the phone. In that very moment I was helpless, I felt useless, defeated and above all I felt like I had failed my family. I selflessly left a well paid job to chase my dream and in the process made us poor beyond belief. Is it worth it?……I sure damn hope so!
Hubby finally got the starter motor fixed on the 4×4 and was able to pick me up from my long walk home. Now that we’ve had tea and made up all is well in this household but I still have throbbing toothache! AAaargh!!!
If nothing else today I have learnt that shit happens and you just have to get through it. No matter what you just have to look forward and not dwell on what has happened. So on that basis a positive has come out of such a negative day…I survived it! 🙂